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What I'm doing in alternate universes (hosting dinner parties, apparently)

Something my favourite food writers have in common is that they’ll often admit to dreaming up menus for dinner parties they’ll never hold. I like this idea. I like it a lot because throughout the day (when I should be doing responsible things) I find myself saving and pinning recipes and images, knowing full well I’ll need multiple lifetimes (probably) to cook and bake every dreamed-up menu and invite people over for a nice time.

Here are some fun and magical things I’ve come across during my adventures across the interwebs, that will appear on my imaginary menu for the imaginary dinner party. Look out for your imaginary invitation via snail mail because we’re romantic and nostalgic like that.

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With the Mad March festival season wrapping up in Adelaide, I thought we could celebrate and prolong it just a smidge with a Festival of Carbs. As you enter my imaginary home, you catch a whiff of the baked bread-scented candle, you see the table is set and adorned with a collection of Nonna’s Grocer candles (so many candles). You grin at your most precious and dearest friend who has come along for this delicious adventure.

What better way to start than with this Garlicky Broccoli Rabe Pick-your-Pan Pizza from King Arthur Baking? I like buying multiple bunches of broccoli rabe (aka rapini) when it starts appearing at my local grocers after seeing this ingredient pop up in a lot of US recipes and books in recent years. Flavour and texture-wise, it’s a cross between chrysanthemum leaves, gai lan, and mustard greens, and makes for excellent main star in pasta and soup dishes.

It’s also a cool weather veg so now (if you’re in the southern hemisphere) is a good time to get them planted. Last year I could only get my hands on them towards the very end of winter so fingers crossed they’ll take in the garden bed. But, enough of the gardening aspirations, let’s keep eating.

Crudités are having a moment, so we’ll have a nice bright platter to accompany. This smoked trout dip from Danielle Alvarez is something I’ve had on my to-make list since it was first published in January. There are jars of table pickles from the kind folk of Nice Pickles for those who are pickle-inclined (my favourite kind of people).

If this is a (dinner) party, there needs to be cake. And this is a cake I’m itching to bake! But wait, we’ve only had starters, I hear you say. Cop an eyeful of Natasha Pickowicz’s pasta cake! LOOK AT IT. It’s magnificent. As a savoury tooth and baker, I am really into this. It’s pasta + it’s cake! It needs to be in my face right now.

At this point, we are probably cackling with glee at how outrageous this dish is. So we’ll take inspiration from Anna Stockwell and serve a lil’ garden salad on the side. Radicchio, chargrilled broccolini and some roasted lemons. Or we could make the off-by-heart garden salad.

It’s here that I consider whether or not the carne moment needs to happen, but tonight, we’ll take a pass. In the other alternate universe, where we all have bellies and appetites to match, perhaps there is a slow-cooked lamb shoulder with orzo (very similar to the one in Lucy Tweed’s book, Every Night of the Week).

Once everyone has had uno momento to digest, the salted hazelnut bourbon blondies with cacao nibs and figs will be brought out to the table. Everyone will groan but the dishes come back with nary a smear of cream.

This meal will take place in a room that looks suspiciously like Martha Stewart’s personal library(! wtf!) – and be very merry because everyone helped me with the drinks list and did the whole BYO thing and has had a glass or two of their favourite drop. Being completely clueless about drinks etiquette, I cannot remember if I should’ve served this Earl Grey Spritzer (both cocktail and mocktail versions) before or after dinner but it’s here. And it’s refreshing and welcome after a meal fit for an athlete preparing for a marathon.

Ahhh, we collectively unbutton our pants (why did we wear pants?! this is clearly a Homer muumuu situation) and contentedly sigh. Then I’ll make hints about having an early morning and before you know it, you’ll all be on your way home to lay on the couch with a good book, and a slice of giant almond croissant (I won’t judge if you prefer to save this for brekkie), and a bunch of freshly cut flowers in an empty jar, because at the end of the day I’m still a big ol’ people pleaser.

We’re all done. The dishes are washed, dried and back in the cupboard. The napery is in the wash. The table has been wiped down. Thanks for being a wonderful guest. I delighted in your company and conversation and am checking out the podcast you recommended as you read this. I hope to see you at the next imaginary dinner. Keep an eye out for your invitation.